In the second episode of Round 2 for Unrefined Mettle, we discuss a topic that continues to maintain its controversial status in modern society - violence against women. During our brainstorming session for this round's topics, I was adamant that we dedicate AT LEAST one entire session to this subject. And as if the universe feels compelled to remind me WHY we are talking about this, I am sitting on my bed writing this post while I listen to the testimony of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford on Capitol Hill today. I have been glued to social media in all its forms this morning as she has testified against Brett Kavanaugh, reliving the terrible night in 1982 when he sexually assaulted her at a party they both attended. SHE WAS 15 YEARS OLD.
While the hearing has broken for lunch, I am sitting here trying to digest everything I have heard and watched this morning. So far, I am struggling to digest the Republican line of questioning that has been fired at her for the last three hours. And I KNOW I'll have something to say about this... eventually. But for now, I am sitting in a space of complete disgust, total shock, and this strange and new sense of empowerment when it comes to women taking on the men who have assaulted them. I'm not even sure that this is an accurate description of what I am feeling as this unfolds before me...
On This Episode
Our guest on this episode is Michelle Kennedy. She and I have been working on and off together in the theatre community in Edmonton since we met in 2012. Michelle is a student counsellor studying counselling psychology a the University of Calgary. She is doing her practicum right now and works with adults with developmental disabilities and traumatic brain injuries as well as high school students in a rural setting. She does individual and group facilitation on topics of body image and sexual health. She is an outspoken sexual assault survivor, sex educator, fat activist, volunteer and lover of baking. There is NOTHING I don't love about this woman, and I was so honoured when she immediately accepted my request to be interviewed on the show.
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When it comes to the subject of violence against women - and because we are Canadian, this is based on Canadian statistics - there are so many layers. So MANY types of violence perpetrated against women, every single second of the day, all around the world. Sexual, emotional, physical, financial, isolation... too many to even try and remember at this point. While I thought our discussion would be a fairly non-specific discussion about this subject, it was clear from the top that each of us has experienced violence - and even worse, we were batting three-for-three when it comes to sexual violence. As we sat around my dining room table, it did not escape me that all three of us have been sexually assaulted. My own rape happened in 2017, and continues to impact every. single. day of my life. Michelle and Kate continue to cope with their own assaults, making it abundantly clear that we may never get over the trauma. Are we survivors? Are we victims? Are we both? I find myself caught in this weird space between being almost two years out from my assault, but still reliving it every night, unable to move past the ordeal. So where does that put me? Overall, I have always shunned labels, boxes, being painted with a broad brush. But in this instance, I almost want to place myself somewhere on the scale. I just have no idea where to even start.
There is a culture of abuse that is undeniable. And like mental illness, it touches each level of society. As a mother to both a daughter and a son, I am constantly reiterating the importance of giving and getting consent when it comes to physical contact between each of them and people in their circles. We teach consent in schools now - most often, as part of the sexual education module in elementary school - but I would be remise not to mention that parents are still able to opt their children out of sex ed, which means the portion dedicated to consent is totally missed - beyond that, kids learn consent in their home environments, from the media, and sometimes from bad decisions made on a personal level. IT'S NOT ENOUGH. It's not enough to stand in front of a group of 9 and ten years olds and tell them that they must learn and practice the art of consent. It's not enough that, as parents, we more or less have a CHOICE of whether or not we teach and expect our children to practice consent.
IT'S NOT ENOUGH.
UGH. On so many levels. While it's true that this absolutely pertains to boys and men, this also pertains to girls and women. Let me just make sure that this is absolutely clear: PEOPLE NEED TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS. And that's that. But as the victim of a sexual assault perpetrated by a man, I come from a place of man-on-woman based violence.
It's important to note that in Canada, violence against Indigenous women is RAMPANT. In fact, it is so big, that the government has created an entire inquiry in to the experiences and stories of Missing & Murdered Indigenous Women. As a caucasian, I recognize that I don't face the same barriers that Indigenous women in this country do - but as a woman, and a woman who has experienced sexual violence, I must do everything in my power to be a voice for those who no longer have one, or cannot at this time speak out against their attackers. I am an ally, a sister, a daughter, a mother, a partner - and I stand with the women in the country who continue to face violence, especially sexually-based.
In the episode, you'll hear me ask Kate + Michelle if either of them believe we will see
resolution. Michelle, very poignantly, notes that we can't predict the outcome of humanity until humanity destroys itself. And she is right - too right, even. How many more women must come forward - whether by their own will, or because they're incapacitated or deceased, thus providing their stories in the injuries and blood on their bodies - before we are able to feel safe and genuinely believed? How much more do we have to take before our cries are heard, loud and clear, and things actually change? While there is definitely evidence of a shift in the culture of supporting and believing victims, it is way too early to stand and celebrate. True, we can take the small milestones and celebrate those - like, REALLY celebrate those. But until we feel our basic rights as women in Canada are brought to the forefront, it is impossible to even begin imagining those celebrations.
For now, I will continue to do everything I can to hold people in my life accountable. It starts with simple things - things like no longer allowing friends and family to take from me, in the form of time, resources and energy, when I am realistically unable to give any more. I must set boundaries with EVERYONE in my life, so as not to allow my personal time and space to be continuously invaded. I must take time for myself to work through my sexual assault and the on-going trauma, at a pace that I am comfortable moving at. I will continue to use my voice, and opportunities through social media platforms and local events at which I can support those in my community who have been through violent experiences - to a point, of course. I will advocate for stricter policies when it comes to violence, harassment and abuse in the workplace, specifically in the theatre industry in Edmonton. I will put my arms around those who need it, and hold space for those not ready to take the first steps in healing. I will practice patience, compassion, kindness, and spreading the truth about violence against women in Canada.
I hope you'll join me - join US - as we pursue our advocacy and support for ALL people who experience violence. We cannot do this alone, though alone we can take the time to nurture our healing spirits, and the incredible resiliency we each contain within our systems.
If you've been the victim of violence of any nature, please reach out to organizations in your area - they can be a lifeline during a time of crisis. And as always, you can reach out to us on the show; we maintain the strictest confidentiality and will work with you in whatever way you feel is possible. I am including just a few links to national organizational resources; please click on them for further information.
xoxo,
Maura
Act to End! (Violence Against Women) Canadian Best Practices Portal (Violence Against Women)
PREVNet (Prevention of Violence, Canada)
PS. There is NO WAY I am finished with this topic... stay tuned.
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